ON AVATAR, TITANIC, MY MOTHER, THE CHIPMUNKS, NINE, DAYBREAKERS, THIRST, SHERLOCK HOLMES, IT'S COMPLICATED, THE LOVELY BONES, BLINDSIDE, & SPREAD - DID I FORGET ANY?
I disliked Avatar because I felt the technology was overkill after about an hour. I felt lost in a decorative, repetitive, and violent theme park. At least the violence was pretty and that big bad marine was fabulous. Nice haircut buddy. You can come over to my place for cocktails and hand grenade canapes anytime!
Avatar made me feel the same way I did when I went on the 'It's a Small World After All' ride with my mother at Disney World about twenty years ago. Then we went on Space Mountain. Poor Mommy. I thought she was gonna pass out. I wonder if she would have liked Avatar? Cameron's 'Titanic' was the last film she ever saw. Good Lord, I hope 'The Chipmunks' is the last movie I ever see. Haven't seen it yet and I don't plan to unless I get really bored. I think the Chipmunks are the greatest male vocalists (tied with Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons) of the twentieth century. Yay Alvin!
I also thought, about Avatar, for all that money, why not tell such a tired old story in a more interesting and less redundant and repetitive manner, but i was never completely bored really, just disenchanted somewhat, and offended by what I saw as unoriginal excess onscreen re. story and design. If I want glowing jungle flowers i'll try crack. If I want abject colonialism i'll have another look at the life of Grey Owl or I'll take in another viewing of Disney's Pocahontas. At least Disney has music. Avatar needed a few songs to lighten the load, but apparently the Golden Globes disagrees. So be it.
Cameron should collaborate with Rob Marshall. 'Nine' is an excessive spectacle - all form and no content. Amazing to see all those incredibly talented women up their struggling through the maze of Marshall's dizzying and baffling editing choices, but the film has no heart, or perhaps too many hearts. It was a series of somewhat incoherent music videos strung together badly by someone who misunderstands Fellini, existentialism, coherent editing choices, and a whole bunch of other things I know precious little about but when I see them done badly boy do I ever get annoyed!
The Lovely Bones was nuts, but worth seeing for Susan Sarandon's performance in a comedy that had nothing to do with the tragedy she was actually in. And there should be a law against Stanley Tucci being in a movie with his clothes on! The young fellow playing the self-proclaimed "moor" was a vision, and the whole subtle race narrative was really interesting, but this film was so weird as far as style and fantasy and limbo go that people were laughing in all the wrong places, which I love. How bout that eh, a film about serial killers that tickles your lovely funny bones. Yikes!!!
And 'Daybreakers'!!! It broke my day. It stunk. Even the lovely Sam Neil and the hot Ethan Hawke couldn't keep me interested. You do get to see Ethan's boobs once though. At one point I leaned forward and politely asked two young women to hold their cell phones in their laps because I was seeing three screens in front of me. By the end of Daybreakers I think I might have enjoyed what was on their cell phone screens more than the film I was trying to watch. What a bore. If you want to see a real vampire flick see 'Thirst.' An amazing Korean film on video on demand when I was in Vancouver two weeks ago and I saw it at AMC ages ago. An incredible AIDS metaphor with spectacular design and acting.
Loved Sherlock Holmes. The gayest movie ever. Loved most of 'It's Complicated,' especially Alec Baldwin's aging hairy carcass and his gorgeous mug, and Steve Martin's pot-smoking scenes with the flawless Meryl, but I was so pissed off when we didn't get to see her newly renovated kitchen at the end that it ruined the whole film for me.
Started sobbing gently five minutes into Blindside and cried all through it. Wasn't sure why I was crying. 5 possible reasons;
1/ i want to be Sandra Bullock
2/ i was troubled by the race politics that reflect so much of what is wrong on this capitalist drenched continent nowadays (I need to go shopping!)
3/ were these white people actually being nice to this young black man or were they just tapping into huge amounts of untapped white guilt?
4/ am i a closet football fan?
5/ too much Diet Coke
There should be a special awards for credits. Ashton Kutcher's 'Spread' (what a colossal dud of a film but you get to see lots of hot bodies, both male and female, yay!) The credits of 'Spread' were unexpected and harrowing. I couldn't look at the screen for most of it. They told the whole story in a metaphoric, gruesome, fairy tale gone wrong sort of way that totally grossed me out. Loved the credits, hated the movie.
Which reminds me, sometimes the previews are just so damn good that I refuse to see the movie cuz it might spoil the trailer.
tra la . . .